Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i think we sleep fucked last night...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
