2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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