If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
