Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think i have two assholes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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