he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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