i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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