Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
