party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize