so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
