When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize