We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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