my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
