I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
