I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
