thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
NoShamevember. You game?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
