Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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