I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
