I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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