I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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