youre lurking in front of me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
