Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize