The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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