last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just pee around me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize