I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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