yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
