i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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