i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
