I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
