I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
