I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
