I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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