This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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