rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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