woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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