Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize