It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
