is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
