What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
