If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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