I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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