you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
