I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
