Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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