I feel like abortions should bother me more
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
