i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We talked him into tasing himself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize