fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
