i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
