your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
