I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
