She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
