there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
