Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
