just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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