I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
