I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my shit smells like andre
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
