Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
