Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize