In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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