in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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