We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
