that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
