I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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