I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
COCAINE IS GR8
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
