is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
