OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Everything about him screamed your future.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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