I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
