I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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