drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
