So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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