Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
