I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
