Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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