My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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