i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
