I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
