walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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