I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
