We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
